Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Pause and Reflect About Our Marriage

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10 Signs You Have A Great Husband

Communication Relationships by
Marriage is both wonderful and challenging at the same time. Who doesn’t want to be married to that perfect man we saw on a fiction story? Your man is as perfect as you make him to be. Both partners are to put in effort, hard work and time for a relationship to work. There are, however, some common qualities that make a great husband.
Here are 10 signs you have a great husband:

1. He communicates with you.

He never takes the importance of communication lightly. He talks to you, listens to what you have to say and really tries to understand where you are coming from. He knows when to talk and when to not. He can talk to you about anything and everything from his favorite sports shows to your favorite reality tv.

2. He loves to spend time with you.

He loves being around you. It doesn’t matter what you do together, as long as he gets to spend the time with you. He just genuinely enjoys having you as a company. You can be staying home watching a silly romantic movie with chips and peanuts together or going to a restaurant you both love for a good dining experience together, as long as he is doing it with you, he would be happy.

3. He makes you smile and laugh.

Who doesn’t love a man with a sense of humor? He surely knows how to be silly and funny at the right times. He would crack a lame joke or do the funniest facial expression that makes you laugh so hard that you had a stomach pain. Seeing you smile makes him the happiest man alive.

4. He is supportive.

He stands by you through all your ups and downs. He’s always there to back you up no matter the situations. He supports you in every pursue you attempt, and believes in your abilities more than anyone ever did. There will be times when you doubted yourself, but he always ensures you with his love and support to build you back up, for you to keep moving forward.

5. He is willing to teach you what he knows.

He doesn’t believe that man should always be the smartest or wisest in a relationship. He is willing to shower you with the knowledge he has accumulated throughout his life. He would be honored to share the knowledges he has, for you to utilize for your own benefits.

6. He is loyal.

Let’s be real. Every man has the right to appreciate beautiful things, and beautiful people. We love looking at good looking men too, don’t we? However, a great husband is one who knows that no matter how many good looking women they enjoy looking at, there is only one woman who owns their heart. The woman he owns will always be the most beautiful to him, inside and out, in his heart.

7. He acknowledges his mistakes.

He understands that he is only human, and he is prone to make mistakes. He doesn’t deny when he makes mistakes, instead he admits to his faults and are willing to mend them as best he can.

8. He protects and cares for you.

He always makes sure of your safety. He would call to check on you to make sure you get to your destination safely. He does his best to protect you from any harm. One of his top priority has been always to make sure you are well taken care of, physically and emotionally.

9. He understands you.

He knows what make you tick. He understands you like no one ever could. It isn’t hard to figure out your favorite color or ice cream flavor, but it is very hard to find someone who truly understands you in a deeper level. He gets you and knows what matters to you. He knows what upsets you, and what makes you happy. He understands your values, and he knows your purpose in life.

10. He doesn’t see you any less than himself.

He acknowledges your strengths and talents. He doesn’t think that he is better than you in everything. He believes that you possess great qualities that are unique to your own. He knows that you can achieve great things in life and makes sure you know that too. He is proud to call you his woman.

Amorie Lim

Amorie Lim is the cofounder of Amorie Lim International, Certified Professional Coach, communication adviser and trainer. She has been working with businesses, individuals and families in achieving the desired communication outcome to resolve conflicts in achieving personal and professional goals. Amorie believes that better life begins with better communication, and is passionate in working with people who seek to improve their life in any circumstances by improving their communication skills.

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How to respond when your child is disrespectful

Disrespect is a common problem for many children. Here are seven ways you can deal with the problem.

66,983 views   |   610 shares 
  • The playdate is over. It is time to head home. You gave a 5 minute warning. You expect everything to go well.
    Suddenly, it happens. Your child responds disrespectfully.
    "No! I don't want to go! You never let me do anything fun!"
    You feel the anger rising inside you. You yell back, "How dare you talk to me like that!"
    He continues, "You didn't even send me a treat in my lunch today! You are the meanest mom ever!!!"
    Now, you're furious. "That's it! No TV for a week!"
    This back and forth continues. You drag him to the car, kicking and screaming. Vowing never to let him have a playdate ever again.
  • Disrespect Is Not OK

    Disrespectful communication is a problem for many kids. We definitely need to teach our children how to treat others with kindness and respect, and how to communicate big feelings without being disrespectful.
    Unfortunately, we cannot teach them to be respectful in the heat of the moment.
    I know you WANT to deal with it right then and there. I know you HATE being disrespected. But, once your child is angry, the thinking part of their brain has shut down. They are in survival mode, sometimes called, "flight or fight" mode.
    Plus, we cannot teach our kids to be respectful by treating them with disrespect.
    If you are triggered by their disrespectful behavior, your brain goes into survival mode too. You are not able to think rationally. Your responses will either be filled with anger, yelling and punishment or you will shut down and give up.
  • Is There Another Way to Deal with Disrespect?

    If you feel pressured to punish or yell at your child in the moment, I would encourage you to try one or more of these 7 responses:
  • 1. Stay calm

    Does this seem impossible? It's not easy to keep cool when our kids are being rude. Meeting them with disrespect sends the wrong message. Model good self-care by taking a deep breath, counting to 20 or repeating a mantra: "This is not an emergency."
  • 2. Decode the Behavior

    Look at things from your child's perspective. Were they caught off guard? Is what you're asking inconvenient? Do they feel powerless? Their response is a reflection of what they are feeling inside. Unfortunately, at this point, they can't put it into more appropriate words.
  • 3. Empathize

    Help your child understand their own feelings by offering an empathetic response, "It seems unfair that we have to go already!" or "I know it's hard to leave when you're having such a fun time!" You do not have to agree with the feeling, it simply means that you are trying to relate to their experience.
  • 4. Check the Time

    Some kids are affected by low blood sugar, hunger or thirst. Others are very sensitive to environmental stimulation or not getting enough sleep. Has it been awhile since your child ate? Could they use a sip of water? Or a break from a loud environment? Offer it in a non-threatening way, "I'm going to have a cracker, would you like one too?"
  • 5. Slow It Down

    It's easy to get pulled away with the "runaway train" of angry, frustrated words and emotions. Instead of jumping on board and responding to every criticism or complaint your child throws at you, try to put on the brakes, "Whoa! That's a lot of info. I'd like to listen, but you're talking too fast. Let's calm down so I can understand what you're trying to say."
  • 6. Let it Go

    Sometimes it's best not to give a response, especially if you know your child is hungry or tired and talking out of a "survival mode" brain – or if you can't keep yourself from responding in a sarcastic, angry or disrespectful way. You don't have to ignore it forever. Once everyone is calm, you can talk about what happened and how to do it differently next time.
  • 7. Connect

    If your child is misbehaving, the last thing on your mind is cuddling. However, for many kids, connection is exactly what they need! If you are able to look past the behavior and ignore all of the "runaway train" information, you will be able to see that your child is hurting and needs support. Sometimes, a hug is better than any verbal response.
  • Do the Teaching Later

    Waiting or delaying your response does not mean that you are a passive parent or you're saying that disrespect is OK. It means that you are waiting until your brain, and your child's brain, is able to receive information and move on without being rude, angry or disrespectful.
    • When you're ready to talk, you can start with, "It seems like you were upset about leaving the playdate earlier. Can we think of a different way to tell me how you feel?"
    • You can also address some of the things that were said, "I heard you say something about snacks in your lunch. Is this something you want to talk about now?"
    • You have feelings too! It's OK to express them, and let you child know how their words affect you. Be careful not to point the finger back at your child, keep the focus on how it felt to you. "I felt hurt when you said I was the meanest mom ever."
    • If you lost your cool and said angry words in the heat of the moment, it's OK to admit it. You are not perfect, and it is good for your kids to see that you are working on calming skills too!
      This is when the teaching happens. Calm brains can learn information. They can process and practice new skills. Your child can learn how to manage big feelings and respond more respectfully next time.
    Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Schwarz's blog. It has been republished here with permission.